Update 10/28

This might be a huge rant that I have to edit later.
I got my SAT scores back which was kind of enormous because I aced the critical reading section, which brings my superscore to a 2200! Holy crap. I can't believe it. I'm now having major existential doubt about the future and musical theatre and whether I'm wasting my brains (800 though!!!!!) going totally all-in for something I have no natural talent in. So, I think I'm going to add more non-audition schools because I'm 99% sure I'm not going to pass any prescreens. Of course, I have NO idea where to start or where they have halfway decent theatre.
I'm still dealing with MT stuff and I have 2 more prescreens I haven't submitted and I don't even know if I'm going to or if I should cancel my live auditions or what because if I don't pass any prescreens (and like I said, it's likely--I've already not passed 2 that aren't known to cut a significant amount of auditioners) I feel like that's a pretty good indicator that I'm just kidding myself. Or at least, that I need to talk to someone who knows what they're doing and what schools are actually looking for.
Honestly, I've started to worry about money. Professionally filming the prescreens was expensive. Applying is expensive. Prescreen fees add up. Plus if I reaudition I have to do this all over again, money included. I kind of had a giant shouting match with my mother over what I want to do with my life...like 10 minutes ago. I am just not feeling the whole college thing at the moment. Not being able to get trained in theatre is like......unthinkable for me. I'm in such a weird situation because I'm really educated on the process of it all but I don't have the technical skills everyone else does (especially vocally), and I don't look marketable which doesn't help. I'm not being down on myself, I KNOW I don't and decided to go for it anyway. And there actually aren't tons of schools I'd be excited about attending if I wasn't getting that training there. But at the same time, there is a part of me that doesn't even care and just wants to go /somewhere/. I'm so conflicted. I'm a mess of contradictions. And I haven't started the AP English essay that's due tomorrow.