Check Out Diva's Guide!

I'd like to send you over to A Diva's Guide To College Auditions where I'm guest blogging this year! My peers have already written some fabulous articles, and you should definitely check those out. They're super helpful and written by freshmen in various programs across the country. divasguidetocollegeauditions.com  :)

Reflection post: Final Decision; BACKGROUND

SO one of the threads I linked from College Confidential is the great and terrible Final Decision with Background threat. As I have made my final decision (!!!), I finally got to make my entry yesterday. The format is usually applications, prescreens, auditions, where you were accepted, training/coaching, decision and then what you learned. So here is mine.

WOW I've been waiting to make an entry in this thread for 2 years! I originally intended to go right for a BFA MT but then had second thoughts, first because I got my SAT scores back and seriously considered liberal arts schools and then because I am secondarily interested in management/producing/casting so I considered programs for that specifically. Here comes my very convoluted, indecisive, crazy-a** journey/process/year.

Prescreens: Texas State, Baldwin Wallace, Otterbein, Coastal Carolina, Pace, UArts, Indiana BFA, Ithaca (theatre management)
Passed Ithaca and UArts. I didn't count any of the ones I didn't pass as applications because I never completed them (some didn't require an app to send a prescreen and I didn't send SAT scores to the rest. I eventually withdrew from all but Indiana where I applied intending to be considered for the BA).

APPLICATIONS
Theatre Performance/audition somewhere: UArts, Webster, NYU, BU, Marymount Manhattan, Cornish, Hartt, Emerson, American (double major Business and Entertainment/Musical Theatre) and Columbia College Chicago
Management/interview: Ithaca, DePaul, half of American
Liberal arts/non-audition: IU BA, Northwestern, Brandeis, Sarah Lawrence

AUDITIONS
Auditioned at Unifieds: UArts, Webster, Cornish, did walk-ins for U of Utah Acting and SCAD but never applied
Auditioned on campus: NYU, BU, Hartt, Emerson, Marymount Manhattan

RESULTS
Accepted (in chronological order!): Columbia College Chicago BA-->BFA MT (would have auditioned as a freshman), IU BA Theatre & Drama, UArts BFA MT, Cornish BFA Theatre/MT concentration, Ithaca BS Theatre Arts Management, DePaul BFA Theatre Management, Sarah Lawrence BA Theatre, Brandeis BA Theatre
Wait-listed: American (would have auditioned as a freshman but never put myself on the wait list because I assumed I wouldn't get enough aid from them to be competitive with other schools)
Accepted academically but not to theatre dept: U of Hartford, Webster, Marymount Manhattan

TRAINING
Circle in the Square Summer MT Intensive 2014 (summer before sr. year), voice teacher does a week-long summer intensive of his own where he brings up his old NYC buddies and they teach us. It's intense and I did it twice.
Local acting classes/workshops through middle and high school. My school offers wonderful acting classes taught by a wonderful woman, and we have an organization nearby that has regular workshops and show choir, which I did until junior year. My voice teacher also brings people from NY up to do workshops.
Voice lessons since 6th grade, switched in 9th grade to more serious MT voice teacher
Dance since middle school at local studio that I love (3 years of ballet, 2 tap, 2 hip-hop, 1 lyrical, a bunch of jazz). They are very good about having beginner teen/adult classes and everyone is welcome.
No college audition coach (I did do a few MTCA dance classes over the summer and I tried to hook up with them for prescreen things but they never e-mailed me back) but the CITS song interp teacher specializes in college auditions so she picked my material and worked one of my songs which I also sang for the showcase. She was great. Also, a local director whose daughter goes to Ithaca for MT did a seminar on college auditions the winter of my sophomore year. That totally changed my life and kick-started my research.

I was kind of floored when the second sitting of the SAT I semi-impulsively took and did not study for fall of senior year (after spending the night at a friend's house and getting 4 hours of sleep) resulted in a perfect 800 in critical reading. That made my superscore a 2200 and actually kind of threw me into an existential panic over the choices I was making and whether I was ready to say goodbye to challenging liberal arts. Hence the applications to those kinds of schools, and my only doing 8 live auditions without walk-ins. UArts was my first acceptance that felt "real" and it happened a week after Unifieds. I was floored and so excited. I even did the whole "there's been a mistake" bit. I loved, loved, loved my audition. I mentioned that I was also interested in theatre management and it just so happened that the woman who was interviewing me was the head of theatre management and teaches casting and business of the business classes! They seemed really supportive of my interest in that, which I didn't get from every school. I absolutely adored BU and had the greatest audition of my life and totally bonded with the auditor...and then a few weeks later, I got an e-mail saying that they loved me and wanted me to interview for Production and Design. Production=/=producing. That was a really tough rejection to take, and it was the only one I was properly sad about. Once all the acceptances were in, it felt like a choice between liberal arts/BFA MT/theatre management. I pretty quickly ruled out theatre management because it would mean giving up performing as my primary thing, and I wasn't okay with that. Later I might work in a casting office or something and not perform at all, but I'm not ready for that now. I have so much more to do. My parents didn't want me to go to Cornish because it was far away, and Brandeis and Sarah Lawrence were SO expensive. I was really close to going to Brandeis, and I might have if the price tag hadn't been so high. I'm glad that I had the option, but I was going to do theatre regardless and it didn't make sense to plunge myself and my family into debt for 30 years. UArts gave me a giant scholarship right away, and more in my aid package. And it actually made a dent. The only other school that was comparable in price was Ithaca, and I had pretty much decided against theatre management by that point. So UArts seemed like an obvious choice...until my dad decided I should go to a better academic school and said he would refuse to pay for it. There was a lot of family turmoil towards the end. But just before I left to visit schools, my parents sat down and my mom showed my dad what it would take for me to go to Brandeis or Sarah Lawrence. And she reminded him that I'm going to end up in theatre no matter what I do for undergrad! And he totally changed his mind. So after we unsuccessfully tried to negotiate with the Brandeis aid office, and visited UArts and loved Philly and all the people there, AND they didn't take away any extra aid because of my grandpa's higher education fund for me, it was a no-brainer. I just committed today as soon as I got home. I might not get a brand-name education, but I'll be doing what I love in a cool city with cool people, and I'll learn a ton, and I'll be able to take those classes with my auditor in casting and business of the business. I'm so excited to start at UArts in the fall, SAT score be damned! (And you know what, I don't feel like I'm "wasting" my brains or whatever because that's part of the reason we can pay for it! And because theatre is a LOT more intellectual/academic than people realize.)


HERE ARE SOME FUN THINGS I LEARNED:

1. Knowing what to expect well in advance was key. I did a lot of the data gathering on my own, which was my decision. I love to research. It's important to me to know things. I'm the kid who knows all the obscure material and begs her friends to sing it because she is the wrong gender/type/ethnicity/doesn't have those notes! My mom and I made spreadsheets, and they were useful for audition material, but in terms of general school information it was easier just to keep brochures around than type tuition numbers into Excel.

2. Do your prescreens right. I was away for two whole months at Circle in the Square, and though I grew a lot as an actor and met some cool people I definitely lost out on prep time. I closed down the drama bookshop every day, and I found monologues, but at the end of August they still weren't coached and I was having to think about prescreen requirements. My prescreens were a mess. I hired a professional videographer who I had worked with at a restaurant. He was great, but the scheduling was so crunched that I ended up not really rehearsing my songs with my voice teacher who was accompanying me, not having the right sheet music, not having any help choreographing or cleaning my dance, not taking good enough care of my hair/make-up/wardrobe, not having enough coaching on my monologues...and it all showed. My voice prescreens had better lighting, but the monologue ones made me look absolutely hideous and even though I originally planned on sending them to nine schools (switched to management at Ithaca and never sent it to Shenandoah), I didn't redo them because the video guy was so expensive. I could have done so many things better on my prescreens. I'm rambling, but it's my biggest regret. I truly wish I hadn't rushed to get them done.

3. It is so important to consider the entire school/area as well as the MT program. I knew exactly what I wanted out of the program, but I didn't realize that location is absolutely paramount for me until I went to visit Ithaca and hated it. The people were lovely, but I just wouldn't be happy in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully, excluding prescreens I didn't pass, all of my other schools were in or near major cities. I also came to realize that I don't want to be in the South or on the West Coast. And I didn't want a school with big football or too much partying. This all came a lot later than it should have, because I was overfocused on BFA MT programs.

4. Don't overlook a non-audition BA program! If you can afford it. Lots of liberal arts schools have really solid theatre departments. Also, the degree means nothing. A lot of college theatre books ask "do you want a BA or BFA?" I'd recommend having more of a percentage of classes in the major that would be okay to you. Mine was about 60-80%, but flexible.

5. Stress is a thing and having a light schedule senior year is not giving up. I went through a LOT of health issues this year, brought upon by stress. This is a huge deal and really had an effect on how my whole year went--I don't know why I didn't mention it. Anyway, I developed gastritis in early January and brought it to all my auditions. It's an inflammation of the stomach lining and basically made me feel constantly like I was going to be sick for about three months. At first I thought it was a flu, so I didn't do anything about it until after Unifieds. Almost all of my auditions were in the two weeks surrounding Unifieds; in fact, all of them were except for two. So while I was unaffected vocally (and I think as long as I had under 4 auditions in a day, my auditions were probably better because I did so many in such a short time--my first and last, both a month removed from those two weeks, were my worst), I actually got so sick in a walk-in that I had to leave the room. At Emerson, I was literally lying down on the bench outside the audition room. It made dance calls a lot of fun as well. Ugh. I missed so much more school than I would have for auditions. I could have kept it to a couple of Fridays and one Tuesday if not for gastritis. UGH. I was trying to juggle a job 3 days a week, the same courseload I had junior year including number of APs, and dance/voice outside of school. And all of them had to go January through March.

6. The last show I did was January of junior year. I totally ditched my high school's musical senior year, and because I was away at a summer program I couldn't do anything then. My resume was honestly pretty tiny in terms of shows, but I had a lot of training. And I didn't feel like I was judged heavily on that. In retrospect, it was a pretty good decision. The fact is, there just aren't opportunities to be in shows 24/7, and I was picky about which ones I would do. Because if I wasn't learning something, what was the point? I tried to be in shows with serious people who I would learn from, and because of that combined with eliminating shows completely come second semester of junior year, I didn't get a lot of leads. I worried about that a lot, but fear not, high school not-stars! It has nothing to do with your talent.

7. How you look matters and the fact is, I'm not a naturally good-looking person. I'm not an unnaturally good-looking person, either. Unfortunately. In like a kind of Tracy Turnblad way (read: I'm the opposite of thin). A lot of extremely good-looking people do musical theatre. That was intimidating. I don't know that my size or look hurt me, except in my terrible prescreens, but I took extra care to make sure that all of my material was type appropriate. I might have gone to far with that because I didn't show a legit soprano AT ALL (those songs are all so ingenue-y!), but I felt like my material really supported who I am inside and out. So did my wardrobe. I actually made my audition dress because I couldn't find anything that was perfect. Highly recommend; it's a great conversation starter! Anyway, I'd heard that not being attractive would make it harder. I honestly don't know whether it did. I'd be curious to hear about other peoples' experiences though.

Anyway, I enjoyed the process greatly. It was bonding time for me and my mom. I got to go on road trips, stay in hotels, eat out, meet new people and perform for people who really know the craft/industry and get feedback. In many ways, it was a dream come true. In others (mostly health-related), it was a nightmare! If any juniors have any more questions (especially about UArts as the program is undergoing a lot of change and it's hard to find current info), please feel free to private message me or check out the blog I kept through the process: thatyeariauditionedforcollege.blogspot.com.

It has been a pleasure to go through this with all of you! I'm going to sleep now.

Here is what I posted on Facebook, and finally revealed my blog to the public:

It has been a bizarrely trying year of too many college applications and auditions and health issues to count, but I am so happy to announce that this process is OVER and I will be attending The University of the Arts for musical theatre next year!
Throughout this year I have chronicled the whole crazy, convoluted process on a private blog, which I am now going to make public for the whole internet to read, complete with ups and downs and ins and outs and all my twelve million changes of heart. If you want to read any of it, thatyeariauditionedforcollege.blogspot.com.
I never could have done this without my amazing mom (and I knew she would kill me if I didn't include her in this because I owe her that much!). She paid and drove and morally supported like freaking crazy and I'm incredibly grateful.
Also thanks so much to my voice and acting teachers and dance studio for teaching me pretty much everything I know about acting, singing, dancing and myself, and to all my theatre teachers here and at Circle in the Square. You all have kept me from going insane many a time.
Lastly, if any sophomores or juniors are thinking about going to school for theatre (audition or not, BA or BFA or hell, even BM), PLEASE LET ME SHARE MY KNOWLEDGE. Message me, text me, talk to me in person. I have amassed books and notes and brochures like you would not believe. This is a really special process to me and I want to pass on everything I learned from the past 2+ years.
THANKS FOR READING IF YOU READ. LOVE YOU ALL.

— celebrating because it's about time I picked a college.

April Break Part 2: UArts

Pro tip: Airbnb is a godsend for college auditions, visits and other weekend trips. And if you own your apartment, it's a GREAT way to make a little extra cash. We stayed at a lovely apartment that came with a cat and was really close to UArts.
In the morning, I went on the tour. You walked in and they were like "are you accepted? Have a T-shirt AND sweatshirt!" It was performing arts specific, which was nice. I walked into the room and saw a girl I know from school/my voice studio at home! She is a junior and was touring UArts. She was like, "you're going here, right?" and I was like "I don't know, probably!" We would have been on the same tour but they separated out the accepted students. There were four families. We saw dorm rooms (they are HUGE! and every room has a kitchenette!), the dining hall (the food looks awful and unhealthy and I was really worried), and all the beautiful theaters. We also went around the theatre and liberal arts floor. UArts is on threeish blocks of Broad Street, and so are like five theaters and the Philadelphia Orchestra. And there is sushi nearby and it's really good (as we all know, that would be a must if I ever auditioned for anything!).
I also sat in on two classes the first day. The first one was a beginning jazz dance class. It was very modern and I really liked the teacher. The students were so nice and they all ran over to talk to me when they found out I was an accepted student. I saw a ton of people I recognized from, um, stalking YouTube and Twitter. Oops. Anyway, the class looked hard physically but super fun. I imagine you would learn a lot from going to a class like that every week! The dance class was ALL girls. I was like "so there are boys in the program...right?" Not because I have any romantic ideas (I pretty much gave up on getting married right out of college at the Brandeis financial aid meeting) but because of casting! They assured me there are boys in the program. It's not equal though, based on what I saw in other classes. They don't do the "we take 10 boys and 10 girls" thing. I think you can't really do that when you are getting a yield. It makes sense that it would be lower for boys. Oh well! The next class I sat in on did have two and one performed. It was a musical theatre performance class. All the people who performed were FANTASTIC. The acting was so good and the last few songs were so sad. I was nearly crying by the end. The teacher was beautiful and wonderful and such a mentor to the kids and her husband is on Broadway right now and she told a story about Harvey Fierstein. I left the second class like, this is it, this is real, this is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now. (Gonna let the light shiiine on meee!)
Anyway, one of the other girls on the tour had also watched the class and I walked back with her and her mother and we took pictures on the steps under the big UArts banner in our free T-shirts!
I came back again the next morning to watch one more class. It was an acting studio, with freshman MT and acting majors. They were doing a really cool interpretation of Macbeth where they switched characters really often. So like one girl was Lady Macbeth in the out damn spot scene and then became Macbeth for his death scene. I thought the first Macbeth was INCREDIBLE. They had rehearsed it a lot and they were worried about it getting stale but it was fresh to me so I can't really judge. It seems like the program is still finding its footing because of the recent change in leadership, and I'm really excited to see how it ends up. And be a part of it. They seem to be pretty good about getting feedback from students as well.

My mom's financial aid meeting went so much better than Brandeis. UArts won't hold Grandpa's money against us and won't take away my scholarships if I make money. They are very accommodating, which is refreshing! 

So my "decision" basically made itself. I have a couple of giant posts summing up the entire process that are coming soon. I paid the deposit as soon as I got home yesterday. It feels SO GOOD to be done.
UArts really has it all, and for the right price. I can take management and casting classes through the Directing, Playwriting and Production program, plus business classes from the college across the street. And I get to perform first. I pointed out that it was exactly what I had in mind last summer: like Circle, a conservatory BFA in a city, but tenured professors so the program feels like a cohesive entity and then, like, maybe one English class a semester.
So there you have it! The journey is done! UARTS BFA MT CLASS OF 2019!

April Break Part 1: Brandeis

I was very sick again all last week (high fever and now cough) but this week we had to go on the road for the dreaded accepted student visits! As it turns out, my dad looked at the money again and did a total 180. So at the beginning of break, I was leaning toward Brandeis and both my parents were leaning towards UArts (or, in dad's case, Ithaca, but we don't talk about that). Anyway, I got to Brandeis on Sunday morning and went to a bunch of admitted student panels. All the kids were super accomplished and really cool. And then there were a bunch of different tours. They told us to "divide and conquer" so my mom went on an arts tour and I went on a residential tour. Apparently the arts tour was amazing. The girl leading it had showed me around when I visited last year, and my mom loved going to the museum on campus and meeting a theatre design professor. My tour was pretty disappointing. There were so many of us that they had to split us in half, which was still a LOT of people. They didn't really know what to do with us. They just had us walk through one hall and room, single file. It was a single which made all the parents VERY angry. They were all comparing the Brandeis dorms to the other schools their kids were considering and making passive aggressive comments about the tour. It was gross. The whole thing took about 20 minutes and I had to wait an HOUR for mom to finish her tour. I got to chat with the theatre professor at the lunch though, and she was great. She helped arrange for me to observe classes. Also, mom asked her about UArts (she wants to get everyone's opinion) and she said her husband had gone there for music and that she loved the school! So that was good too. After lunch we went to this financial aid talk. The lady just pretty much outlined all the different types of loans we could choose to pay off for the next 30 years at 7.6% interest. My mother was highly discouraged. She was especially pissed to learn that work study doesn't go towards tuition; it is paid directly to the students for spending money and books. She scheduled a private meeting with the representative for the next day. I came back with her at noon and met a friend who I know from Young Judea. She took me to the dining hall, which was AMAZING, and I got to meet her friends who were all really cool. She had also housed a prospective student the night before, and that girl was also a theater major, and we found out we were sitting in on the same directing class! I was supposed to go to the voice lesson of the arts tour guide so I invited her along. The voice teacher was really cool. She worked a lot on acting, which was a relief. I had been afraid that the voice teachers from the music department would be totally classical. As it turns out, there is also a singing class through the theatre department. You can do a lot of musical theatre without being a music major with the MTP concentration. I went to directing next and it was amazing. We started out watching final projects because it's almost the end of the semester. Then they did a debrief, which was really educational. I've never taken a class in directing, but now I want to! The teacher was very accommodating and answered all our questions. He's done a lot of theatre and is, for lack of a better phrase, the real deal. Unfortunately, my mom's meeting did not go well. They take away some aid if you make any more than $5000...so we couldn't use the money my grandpa set aside for my education. Or if we did, I wouldn't be able to work in the summers. And my parents really don't want me to have unsubsidized loans. Basically, there was no way to get out of paying $40,000, which we cannot pay. It is a real shame. I would have loved to go there. But after I heard everything from my mom in the car on the way to Philadelphia, I knew I had to move on. I just started to get in the UArts frame of mind. 

Update 4/12

My family is having a big discussion about college today. My dad is finally coming home after his trip and we are getting right down to it. Meanwhile, I'm totally stressing about liberal arts and management and whether I could get enough at UArts and whether I would miss it (honestly I'm not sure I would) and whether I could dance at all at Brandeis and how hard it would be to graduate from there without connections in the field and affording an MFA program and trying to transfer to some other school that does have everything and whether that would be acting or musical theatre or what and whether I could get into a really tough academic school as a transfer student and whether I should get a coach to go over this with me and how American fit me so well but I never even put myself on the wait list because I assumed I wouldn't get enough aid and blah blah blah. I am so exhausted. I feel like any decision would be wrong at this point. I can't do anything. This sucks. Transferring sounds kind of good.

Update 4/9: The Semifinals

So since my last update, I got my final two rejections from NYU (3/27) and Webster (4/1)...which means all the results are in and I can start deciding! Unfortunately, I also got my financial aid package from Brandeis, and although they gave me over $20,000 in scholarship (the most of any school), it is still 15k more than UArts and Ithaca. Sarah Lawrence is the only school more expensive. Surprise! I've actually pretty much narrowed it to Brandeis and UArts. DePaul and Ithaca don't really allow for performance training, and I'm honestly not ready to give that up. It has to be a combination. Cornish is far away and small. Sarah Lawrence is also small, and very project-based. I don't think I'm self-directed enough to take that on at this point in my life. I need more structure. So that's why I have narrowed it to two WILDLY different schools, one of which we can't afford and one of which my father has deemed worthless. You guess which is which! I made some pro-con lists, off the top of my head, without doing any research. I'll be visiting both schools in a couple of weeks, and supposedly won't be able to know which is right for me until then. Honestly I think they're both right for me. I could go either way. It's just the money and the parental disapproval. UArts just called and told me they're giving me another $3000 and that they want me. That makes them cheaper than all the other schools. My parents are doing some rethinking of the way they handle money (they have separate accounts and may combine) and my dad is sill being stubborn about the value of an education or whatever. To be honest, he's having a lot of trouble right now and although I know it's not my fault, it is sort of about me. He is away on business right now, and when he comes back I think we might FINALLY discuss it rationally. He might be mad that my mom and I didn't involve him in the process more. It's so weird that I haven't dealt with the unsupportive parent thing until now. I'm feeling relatively chill about where I end up—I don't think I'll be unhappy at either place. I'm going to end up doing the same thing regardless. Undergrad is not a huge deal. It just kind of stinks that I have to choose either academic or artistic connections/prestige. UArts is what I had in mind at the beginning; Brandeis is what I had in mind at the very beginning. It's just so weird that it's come down to the schools that are the very extremes of my list! I feel like I can't go wrong but I also can't totally go right.

Rejected

Here's the thing about rejection: it's inevitable and it is almost always going to hurt a little. And it's part of life, so the sooner you learn to deal with it, the better. Taking rejection is a fine art, and since I'm getting a Bachelor of Fine Arts (maybe) I thought I would share some tips.

How to Prepare

If you ask me, the best way to deal with rejection is to know it's coming. NEVER expect acceptance—not for college auditions, not for professional auditions, and definitely not when you give up on your dreams and apply to med school. Even if they heavily imply it in your audition, you can't know you're accepted until you see it in writing. I'm not saying be a total pessimist—actually, maybe I am—but "expect the worst, hope for the best" is a thing for a reason, the reason being that it works! 

When you do any kind of audition, even if you HATE auditioning (if you hate it that much you probably shouldn't do it for a living, but that's another discussion), you have to find some reason to be there besides "I want to get in/get the part." Try, "I want to get experience auditioning" or "I want to practice my craft." (I'm sorry I said craft. I know, pretentious.) Tell yourself—nay, CONVINCE yourself—that acceptance isn't everything. 

Once You're Rejected

If it's a school you really cared about, take a day to mourn. Some people say three days, or three hours or however long it takes you to finish a pint of Ben & Jerry's (insert #BFAbody joke here). I don't need more than a day to wallow, but you have to accept that it might creep up on you from time to time—for example, I dreamed that I reauditioned for a school that rejected me last night. The best advice I can give for getting over it is to think about all the awesome schools you did get into and how happy you would be there! If you don't get in anywhere or anywhere you love/can afford, think about what a blast it would be to reaudition, this time having a clue what you are doing! I almost want to reaudition, for a few reasons. I'll make a post about that soon. ANYWAY, there is so much more in your life besides college. That's why I buy myself socks and sushi every time I audition. Also, hello, life experience makes you a better actor. Man, I can't WAIT to see how the experiences I've had this year will change my work! (There's no way to say that without sounding obnoxious, I'm sorry.)

But What Did I Do Wrong???

The hardest thing for me after being rejected is not knowing why. You can't know why. And you know what? Why might be STUPID. Backstage has a great article on "why you weren't cast." That can give you some ideas if you're truly curious, but the point they're making is that you have very little control, no matter how "well" you think you did. At my two best auditions, I didn't get in. The next best two, I did. But it's so random, and that's what Backstage is getting at. You can't waste your time wondering why, unless you also want to be a casting director (this is my excuse). Also, read "why we cast you!" That one is actually uplifting.

Always remember: it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be jealous, it's okay to wonder why, but it's not okay not to be happy and it's not okay to let those negative feelings take over your life. You are more than this. You are more than this. Rejection or acceptance is NOT a judgment on your validity as a person or an actor. Every rejection makes you stronger, prepares you for future rejections, and helps you learn about yourself. It's a good thing! But I can't deny that even good things sometimes suck at first.

Update 3/24: Financial Aid Sucks

So since I last posted I received an (again, expected—I am soooo good at this) rejection from Northwestern and a kind of surprising wait list from American! My first wait list! Exciting! As my mother said, "the plot thickens." The plot thickened even more when I got my DePaul financial aid package back. The theatre school gave me $18,000 but even with my loans, that leaves 1.5 times as much money as our EFC...which apparently my parents are supposed to take out a giant loan to pay for. I'm actually pissed. I mean, we could maybe make that much money work, but expecting a student's parent to take out a loan of that size? REALLY?! Ugh. My financial situation is better than a lot of people and I feel lucky...but still, my family can't pay for college! Nobody can! My dad kept saying "its Monopoly money," which is so real. Ughhhh. UArts is tied with Ithaca for cheapest but my dad hates it and thinks they gave me so much money "because I don't belong there." DePaul and Ithaca gave me even more in scholarship, UArts was just generous with grants...I don't know. I would be perfectly happy there but obviously I can't go if my dad won't pay for it. Now I'm just waiting for the Brandeis aid package to come in the mail, but my hopes are not high. Ew. Capitalism.

Update 2 3/21

Whoop just got my Marymount rejection! That was totally expected. But does 2 in a day win me some kind of award???

Update 3/21

Okay! I've gotten a lot of decisions back since I last posted. Specifically, I've been accepted to DePaul, Sarah Lawrence and Brandeis and rejected from Emerson and BU. I'm still waiting to hear from 4 schools (NYU, Marymount, Webster, Northwestern) but I'm fairly sure this is it. I wasn't surprised by either of my recent rejections because I was so sick at Emerson and BU wanted me to apply for Production and Design instead (UGH) but it is hard not to get attached. I'm floored that I got into 2/3 liberal arts schools though! Today I'm really feeling Brandeis, but some days I feel DePaul or UArts. Depending on financial aid, those are the 3 I will likely be visiting over my April break. I think going to Brandeis would be great for me as a person, but maybe not so great in terms of career opportunities relative to DePaul/UArts/Ithaca. [Edit: Brandeis has a great theatre program with loads of connections, I was being stupid.] But at the same time, I only get one undergrad experience, and I think a lot of the stuff I would do at Brandeis might not be available after college (being involved with Hillel, taking classes in political science, even some of the theatre classes they offer). So right now that's what I'm leaning towards, which is scary because I haven't gotten my aid package yet and I know a girl who got in ED and got zero from them! But yeah, I can't wait to visit. It feels good to have some idea of where I'll be going and what I want. And it's cool that I've gotten into two of each type of program (2 audition, 2 interview, 2 liberal arts and 2 non-audition safeties). I'm so excited!

Marymount Manhattan Audition 3/7 (and ensuing madness)

Last weekend (March 7—I am publishing this much later) was my LAST college audition EVER!!! I was so excited. I thought, I am totally going to kill it on my monologue. I'm going to make them cry! I'm going to be so good they will accept me on the spot! Here is what actually happened:

We got to New York late on Friday because I went to the whole day of school. I've been missing a LOT lately and may be missing more as I'm pretty certain I have the flu right now. But I digress. Anyway, our host (who we stayed with for Unifieds as well, among other things) asked me not to vocalize in the morning. I was like...okay? My mom reasoned with her and I got to do some quiet humming. But no screlt. (Not that I would screlt in a college audition and I know that a lot of voice teachers hate the term, mine included. I actually prefer "wail.") So I didn't properly warm up beforehand, but that was fine—not the first time!

When we got there, they had a little breakfast buffet thing and a Starbucks. Everyone was camped out in the hallways and current students were mingling and answering questions. The dance call was first, and super fun. Everyone was great and I had seen a lot of them at previous auditions. After, we all went to a general info session and I asked a good question and the guy leading it was great and I was like "mom I totally wanna go here"...and then the MT lady came out. She was very...harsh, even in the discussion. I knew I blew it when I asked about whether the audition opportunities they bring to the school are equity. I mean I know it was a little gross sounding and I regretted asking as soon as I did, but yeah. Oh well, I thought. I can come back from that and have the best audition ever! So we all go to the bathroom and then get to the room where we're supposed to be doing this workshop/audition or whatever, and of course it's  the woman from the info session who I had already made a bad impression on. Well, when people started going up and singing in alphabetical order, the workshop thing didn't happen. She'd hear your legit song, say "do you belt," hear a belt song, and then done. On the website, they're like "oh we're not just testing voices!" But that's obviously all they were doing. The only people getting "workshopped" were the ones with wildly inappropriate audition material. She criticized one girl's headshot and outfit and worked with her to do better. But if your outfit and material choices and stuff were on point, 16 bars x2 was all you got. It was honestly so impersonal and I hated it. She did not say one thing to me (or anyone else) beyond "what will you be singing?" Maybe it was because of the environment or maybe because I couldn't warm up, but my songs were not the best. I was also nervous being in front of the other auditioners. Oh well. But then we went to do monologues, and they were like "ok we're only giving you so much time before we cut you off but we won't tell you how much just do what you can." They had told us to prepare 2 minute monologues, and mine is up there. So they cut EVERY SINGLE PERSON OFF HALFWAY. It felt like a cattle call which like I get that that's the business or whatever, but this is a college audition. I was so freaked out that I blanked on a couple lines of my monologue which I have never done before EVER and I kind of slurred at times. And they cut me off right before my favorite part. They can't have given us more than a minute and a half. God, it was awful. The only thing that was remotely interview like was that they went around at the end and we told them what we liked to do outside of theatre. So you DO care about knowing who we are as human beings? What? Honestly, rejection was a blessing. It was my only audition where I felt like they didn't care about me.

Update 3/3

Yesterday I got accepted to Ithaca for Theatre Arts Management!!
I also got a $20,000 scholarship--the biggest one yet. It's really a lot of money. It makes an actual dent in Ithaca's tuition. I haven't seen my financial aid package yet, but Ithaca College is on the way to being affordable.
I posted it right on Facebook and Twitter. I know you maybe aren't supposed to do that, but I don't care. The validation is amazing. Sometimes you need to be patted on the back. Besides, I can easily protect my tweets and posts so colleges can't find them.
My dad also approves. I'm just going to chill out until I hear from everywhere else. Honestly, I am thrilled to have a theatre management acceptance, but I'm still struggling with location. I'm not going to worry yet--I still have 9 schools to hear from and another AUDITION this weekend! Man! Auditioning! Throwback to January, am I right!? My last MT audition was UArts at Unifieds! Do I even still remember my songs? Just kidding, I do.
I'll be recapping the Marymount audition soon, I'm sure!

Update 2/26

Today I got my first financial aid offer from UArts. Including $2275 in loans and $750 in work study, they are giving me $32400 a year. Which is like 2/3 of tuition and brings what I'd actually have to pay down to less than $20000.
Here's the problem though: my dad is pissed! I said something about the offer being hard to beat and he was like "lol no ur taking a gap year if you don't get in anywhere else." He only hates it because it is test optional and has arts in the name. Good Lord.

2/21 Ithaca Interview

Last weekend my mom, Layla and I headed up to Ithaca for my interview for theatre arts management. We drove the 6 hours there on Friday and stayed with family friends. Wow, there is so much upstate New York! Saturday morning started with a check-in and info session at 8. It was freezing cold. The first thing the woman leading the info session (department chair) said was, "if the only thing stopping you from going here is the price, email me and I'll get you more financial aid." It is a really intimate program, which is cool. There are only 6-8 theatre arts management majors aka TAMs per class, and then acting/MT performance BFAs, BA theatre studies and BFA design and production (nice to be at a school where they understand production is different from producing, haha). About half the people were auditioning for acting and MT, and the other half was mostly theatre studies with 4 potential TAMs and 1 design/production person. Honestly, I thought everyone would be MT, so I was really surprised! The performance people left to warm up and the theatre studies people started interviewing first, so it was just the 5 of us plus families. They brought in a panel of current students who were all great. I was the second TAM to interview. They brought me downstairs to an office where there were 2 women (I had no idea who to look at because one sat across from me and one was next to me) who asked me questions. They were really interesting! They asked me about my experience, what I do in my free time apart from theatre, why theatre arts management, etc. They were both super nice and loved hearing about Africa :). I was kind of nervous about showing my portfolio because I don't have a ton of experience, but I was allowed to explain what each thing was. And um they seemed to think I did have a ton of experience! Which was awesome! And they kind of accepted me on the spot! I can't remember the exact wording used but it was something like "there is no reason why you would not get accepted" and "you seem like a really good fit for this program"...and yeah. Yay! But it also got me thinking about what it would be like to be around actors and not be one and now I'm really confused about what I want. Double yay!!!! My decision is going to actually be kind of a big deal!
After the interview, I got a tour with two of the current TAMs, who were awesome. But I was kind of in shock from having been accepted and in the throes of existential doubt so I maybe didn't take as many mental notes as I could have. Especially because my mom will not be driving me back there for accepted students day. Ah well. It's going to come down to money anyway!
The rest of our time in Ithaca was great. We went to the Moosewood restaurant that night, and the next morning we went to Cornell (where my grandparents met) and saw the chapel where they got married. Cornell is incredible. It's like its own city. I don't regret not applying there, because they don't have a good theatre department, but damn. That might have been worth 2 subject tests and $80.
So that was my Ithaca weekend! I can't believe I only have one more whirlwind trip like this. I'm kind of sad!

Update 2/12

Today I got an e-mail from the head of Production & Design at BU. He said that the woman who auditioned me thought it might be a better fit or that I had the skills for it or something. I am fairly certain that when I interviewed at BU I talked about being interested in producing and casting--and it's totally possible she thought I meant production and casting, as in making masks. HAHA. It was still kind of very sad because of course I had to e-mail back and be like "lol no that actually is a terrible fit."
I also sent an e-mail to the woman who auditioned me, thanking her for not only remembering me but caring enough to try and get me to come to her school in any program (it is flattering!) and gushing about the wonderful experience I had at BU...and also respectfully declining the invitation. Sigh. I was like "I'd still love to be considered for performance!" but let's be real, if she thought I would do better in Design & Production which I have negative experience with, I don't really stand a chance.
Oh well. This is hopefully going to take away some of the pain of rejection. It's totally my fault for being inarticulate in the interview. And not emphasizing that acting comes first for me. I get so caught up in trying to be individual in my interests that I forget I'm still one of the aspiring actors who only feels alive onstage and all that crap. It just so happens that I have other things that make me unique, and I wave them in the faces of auditors so they will remember me (although UArts and Cornish liked them!). That's the truth. And it's sad because I've discounted my love for acting, which comes first and always has. I can do other things besides act, but I can't not act. You know? It's always been weird for me to write that, first because I was ashamed for normal reasons and now because it's too cliche. This is ridiculous. Thank God I got into performance programs already! At least I know I won't have to stop.
Remember my stomach thing from Emerson and Unifieds? Yeah, it didn't go away. I finally went to the doctor and she gave me some meds but I still feel weird. Apparently I will feel better within the week. I better! I'm so behind in school from missing for auditions and sickness, and I'm less motivated than I've ever been. Now that I actually know I'm going, I can't WAIT for college.
I also got this weird letter from UArts today, reminding me that there are still academics at the school and an honors college if I'm interested. Honestly, that's the last thing I feel like being a part of right now. I'm so done with academics. I thought I had senioritis when I was a freshman...geez. Freshman me knew nothing of true slackerdom.

What You've Been Looking For

See what I did there? Can't not be Sharpay.
I've started to see a lot of my junior friends thinking about what they want in a college (and summer program: more on that later!). So I thought I would share the list of questions to ask yourself about what you want that I was given when I first started out looking.
As someone who has only recently discovered what I like in a theatre school, I just want to say that everything changes even as you go through the process. Some things confirmed what I always knew, and others shifted, and one or two even rotated 180 degrees. Also, I would definitely say that if you have any special interests at all, really, take that into account. At first I thought I was willing to give up management for acting but came to realize I could do both. Not only does it eliminate a lot of programs, schools love to hear that you're not solely interested in performing. At least, the ones I auditioned for did!
Anyway, here it is!
Ask yourself if you want a school...

• close to or far from your home
• in a city, small town, or rural area
• where you will spend all your time with other theatre students
• where you can pursue another passion, such as sports or visual art
• where you can have the "traditional college experience" with football and keggers and stuff
• with Greek life
• where you can unwind in nature (this is kind of like the city question)
• where you have the freedom to create or participate in student run projects
• in an area with urban nightlife
• where you can have a city's cultural opportunities: museums, shows, shopping, etc.
• with a certain type of culture (either in the school or department--ask current students about this!)
• where certain dietary needs can be met (i.e., Kosher or Halal, vegetarian, allergies)
• where you will be supported academically
• where you will be challenged academically (this was a big one for me!)
• what sort of program style you want: conservatory (2 or 4 year, usually 80+% studio classes), conservatory style (usually 1/3 to 3/4 studio classes), or liberal arts (1/2 or less studio classes)

AND ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD. And then apply wherever you want because who knows what scholarships and aid you can get. But keep in mind that it really sucks to get in and not be able to go because of money. Or have to take on incredible amounts of debt because it's really hard to have a job and audition/be in a BFA program. Also, this can be super tough for parents. My family lies right in that awkward middle-class-own-4-cars-but-have-nothing-saved-but-make-well-above-the-average-US-income pocket so I know how it is. Or will soon.

When you're looking for a program, here is what you should ask (of yourself for what you want, and of the school for what is provided):

• How many acting classes are there over the 4 years?
• Will we dance every semester/year/day?
• Will we take voice every semester?
• Can I choose my voice teacher? (as the child of musician parents who send kids to music school, this one is more important than you might think)
• Is the voice faculty from the music department? (Most are. My voice teacher has told me about students of his that struggle with the 100% classical training. Pretty frustrating for us belters!)
• Are BAs cast in the main stage shows?
• Can freshman perform?
• What sort of tech requirements are there?
• Do you offer classes in playwriting, directing, or another specific theatrical interest? 
• What is the Shakespeare training like? 
• Is there a cut or review system? (In a cut program, more freshmen are accepted than the school can graduate, so at the end of a year they cut back to a specific number. These are going extinct. In a review program, you have juries at the end of every semester/year where the faculty determines whether you have been progressing. If not, you're put on probation and eventually asked to leave. Beware of juries as well! A girl I know said they really stressed her out her first couple of years even though she never had a problem passing.)
• Are there opportunities to be involved in show choir, student productions, a cappella, dance ensembles, etc.?
• How does the program/faculty feel about students taking leaves of absence to be in professional productions?
• Does the school encourage and/or facilitate auditions for summer stock, etc.?
• Are there classes in the business of the business? 
• Are internships available/required?
• What sort of industry connections does the school have? (Showcase, workshops, etc.)
• Is study abroad available/required?

These sorts of questions will be important all through the admissions process. You can certainly save some of them for info sessions and auditions! Good luck (is break a leg applicable here?) determining what you want in a college!

Update 2/5: Another Acceptance What Is Life

Holy crap. Remember how I had the greatest audition ever for Cornish and I want the auditor to adopt me? Just got in there. I submitted my application literally yesterday. Holy crap. The email was from a real guy who I had talked to about auditioning before Unifieds, which was funny because I was just thinking about how much I would like feedback from people who were in the room. He was like "nice play" which was chill because no one except my mom (and you all when I make this public, RIGHT?? PSA click the link on the sidebar) has ever read it. I am tempted to post it but since it's personal that might be weird. They said a letter with an "initial scholarship offer" is coming in the mail.
IS THIS REAL?!?!? I am the girl who has never had a lead in a musical, who passed 1 of 7 MT prescreens, who still can't mix. The process could not have thrown me a bigger curve ball. Really. I'm dying. Help. I am actually leaving here next year. I don't have to prepare for the worst anymore. I'm so happy. I don't deserve this, but also I really really deserve this. Wow. I am going to have to make an actual DECISION one of these days. That's terrifying. How did I become one of those kids with multiple acceptances?!?!?!?

Update 2/3

I was feeling sick again today and barely made it through AP English. I came home and was watching Jane the Virgin with Layla (my little sister in case you didn't know) on the couch when about 15 minutes ago, my dad walked in and threw these 3 giant packages on the couch. It was very jarring. I was like, ugh, must you? I'm feeling sick! I wasn't going to open them but Layla handed me the packages. They were all from colleges. First I noticed that SCAD sent me an entire BOOK. There was also a medium sized but thick envelope from IU and a huge one from UArts. I logically opened the UArts one first because it was most likely to contain a decision (I already got into IU and haven't applied to SCAD) and I was confused because it was so BIG. But I ripped it open and inside was this big folder...and in the folder was an ACCEPTANCE. For musical theatre. Also a $16000 academic scholarship.
I got up, went into my mom's studio where she was practicing, and said "here. This just came and I think it's a mistake." And I shoved it in front of her face.
In retrospect, I'm pretty sure it's real.
I mean, I had a good audition although I though it was weird that they didn't ask me to dance. And the faculty was brilliant and basically I am so, so thrilled. I didn't think my first acceptance would come this early. I didn't think my first acceptance would come. You remember that UArts was the only prescreen I passed, after all.
I recently made a vow to myself that I wouldn't talk to any more students or do any more research until I was accepted somewhere. So. I'm off to find some current students to talk to.
Oh. And all of my advice is officially valid now so you can start taking this blog way more seriously now. ABBY OUT.
*drops mic*
*picks up mic*
*sings Everything's Coming Up Roses*

Edit: I also got into the IU Honors College!

A Giant Rant

OKAY. All this MT-competition-College-Confidential-is-my-kid-good-enough-top-tier-what-are-the-odds-talent-pool BULLSHIT is starting to piss me off.
Here's the thing: yes, colleges want "talent," although I think the better word is "skill." But we're artists, okay? There's no definitive way to RANK artists. STANISLAVSKI, GUYS. "There is no good or bad or right or wrong; there is only what is true." My acting teacher at Circle said that like 6 times a day. Hasn't everyone been told this by their acting teacher? I just don't understand what else people think theatre is for. We all get so caught up in the numbers and the competition that it becomes a game of getting in or having the best audition and we forget why we even started. The whole point of theatre is moving people and being unique and brave and individual. Why else would it exist? Because the freaking ancient Greeks loved Glee when they were in middle school?
There is no way they are ranking people from most to least talented and taking the top 24 or 50 or 8 or whatever. I refuse to believe that, because it doesn't make sense! They're not! Because there is no definitive number of "best" people. We're all talented. There's no way anyone auditioning is not a little bit talented--er, skilled. I just don't think there's a way to rank people, except in terms of that technical skill and whether they tell the story honestly, like Stanislavski said. Everyone also forgets that there's more to a college audition than your actual performance. My mom has been on a lot of audition panels and even for music, so, so much of it is the interview. They ask you to pull up that chair because they want to KNOW you so they can figure out whether it's going to be a good match. They literally say it! And people still freak about the one crack on the last note and how that means they're never getting in. I've had some relatively meh auditions, but the interview was so spectacular that I counted it as one of my "good ones."
And of course, there's a randomness to the whole thing. In the BU info session, the woman said she sees 850 auditioners and thinks 250 would do well in the program (and since we all have some technical skill I swear to God those 250 are the honest ones, I know this because that same woman looked at my resume and told me she had also trained with my teacher who quoted Stanislavski) but can only accept 90. Even if you're what they want, they might have too much of what they want. That's why you can't feel bad when you're rejected. UNLESS you didn't show your real self.
So what are colleges looking for? I don't know, people they can see and TEACH every single day for four years and not want to MURDER? Maybe??? People who don't waste time trying to figure out what the people behind the table want and are solid enough in themselves that they can actually express shit and be a person and relate to other people? People who are unique???! Actual people like human beings??!!!??? MAYBE.
Or maybe, they are looking for the people who are most technically skilled, the most commercial, the ones who'll book the most the fastest. Clearly, some are. Some are. I acknowledge that. But if that's what "top" colleges want, then how incredibly stupid. I don't want to go to one. I didn't audition for the ones with those reputations. I want nothing to do with it because I got into this as an ARTIST, dammit, and I will stay an artist if it's the last thing I do.
Unless I become a producer. Oops.
I have to believe there are musical theatre programs out there that are doing more than plugging their students into this Broadway formula for maximum revenue. There must be some that are looking for people they get along with, can play with, can teach. It's literally so easy to be one of those people. You just have to stop freaking out about whether the mysterious faculty members behind the table think you're "talented" enough to get in.

BU Audition 1/31

As I mentioned, I changed my audition for Boston University kind of at the last minute. My mom and I drove to Manchester NH in a snowstorm on Friday night and stayed in a hotel there. The next morning we went into Boston (parked and took the tee). It was really easy. We left a bunch of extra time, and I arrived an hour early for my 11:00 audition. A lot of people did though, and the info session started early, while I was in the bathroom! They took our headshots and resumes before the info session. It was just one woman running the whole thing because her colleague was sick.
The info session started out kind of slow and then...BAM. I fell in love. I already knew the program was cool but MAN. It was amazing. You can pick acting or theatre arts, and within theatre arts you can concentrate in whatever, but everyone's together the first year. And it's totally possible (but hard) to do a major or minor. BU is honestly incredible. I was thisclose to overlooking it and I am so glad I didn't. They have a musical theatre concentration, but when I asked about it the woman was VERY clear that BU students are actors first and she graduated from a BFA MT program and essentially said everything I feel and believe. And an internship is required for theatre arts, and study abroad is required for both. And the entire junior year is Shakespeare in the acting program. And as a senior thesis, theatre arts majors form a theatre company together. It's glorious. Agh.
Anyway, after I had fallen in love, we all went upstairs and they posted a list of who was going in which hour. I wasn't until 2:00 so Mom and I walked to get lunch in the FREEZING COLD. I was so cold I couldn't even function when we got back. I felt kind of sick as well. But I forced myself to go hang out with the current students and I am SO glad I did! It made me feel way better, and they were all great. We talked about actual THEATRE in addition to the school/program/audition process. I was one of the last (because of switching my audition date so late, I'm sure!) and the woman from the info session was evaluating me. I did my monologues--it actually might have been the most connected I've been to them since NYU (thanks Utah guy!)--and then I sat down to talk to her. She was like "so you went to Circle in the Square" and I was like yeah and she was like "so did I!" and I was so excited I practically knocked the table over. She asked why BU and I talked about the freedom thing and how I'm interested in management and wrote a play and that it was so great not to have to decide. And I asked a couple more questions about the program. She verbally asked where else I was auditioning, and I told her the whoooole list (minus walk-ins, so not that long) and from her reaction, I got "oh, the usual suspects." You know? It wasn't that weird except when I was trying to remember them all. Not as bad as I was expecting. We chatted about Circle and stuff some more and then she was like "nice work" and I left. And on the way out I asked about the senior thesis thing. It was really casual. And I was like "thanks I had a blast!"
UGH EVERY TIME I AUDITION FOR A SCHOOL I FALL IN LOVE WITH IT HELP