Update 4/9: The Semifinals

So since my last update, I got my final two rejections from NYU (3/27) and Webster (4/1)...which means all the results are in and I can start deciding! Unfortunately, I also got my financial aid package from Brandeis, and although they gave me over $20,000 in scholarship (the most of any school), it is still 15k more than UArts and Ithaca. Sarah Lawrence is the only school more expensive. Surprise! I've actually pretty much narrowed it to Brandeis and UArts. DePaul and Ithaca don't really allow for performance training, and I'm honestly not ready to give that up. It has to be a combination. Cornish is far away and small. Sarah Lawrence is also small, and very project-based. I don't think I'm self-directed enough to take that on at this point in my life. I need more structure. So that's why I have narrowed it to two WILDLY different schools, one of which we can't afford and one of which my father has deemed worthless. You guess which is which! I made some pro-con lists, off the top of my head, without doing any research. I'll be visiting both schools in a couple of weeks, and supposedly won't be able to know which is right for me until then. Honestly I think they're both right for me. I could go either way. It's just the money and the parental disapproval. UArts just called and told me they're giving me another $3000 and that they want me. That makes them cheaper than all the other schools. My parents are doing some rethinking of the way they handle money (they have separate accounts and may combine) and my dad is sill being stubborn about the value of an education or whatever. To be honest, he's having a lot of trouble right now and although I know it's not my fault, it is sort of about me. He is away on business right now, and when he comes back I think we might FINALLY discuss it rationally. He might be mad that my mom and I didn't involve him in the process more. It's so weird that I haven't dealt with the unsupportive parent thing until now. I'm feeling relatively chill about where I end up—I don't think I'll be unhappy at either place. I'm going to end up doing the same thing regardless. Undergrad is not a huge deal. It just kind of stinks that I have to choose either academic or artistic connections/prestige. UArts is what I had in mind at the beginning; Brandeis is what I had in mind at the very beginning. It's just so weird that it's come down to the schools that are the very extremes of my list! I feel like I can't go wrong but I also can't totally go right.

Rejected

Here's the thing about rejection: it's inevitable and it is almost always going to hurt a little. And it's part of life, so the sooner you learn to deal with it, the better. Taking rejection is a fine art, and since I'm getting a Bachelor of Fine Arts (maybe) I thought I would share some tips.

How to Prepare

If you ask me, the best way to deal with rejection is to know it's coming. NEVER expect acceptance—not for college auditions, not for professional auditions, and definitely not when you give up on your dreams and apply to med school. Even if they heavily imply it in your audition, you can't know you're accepted until you see it in writing. I'm not saying be a total pessimist—actually, maybe I am—but "expect the worst, hope for the best" is a thing for a reason, the reason being that it works! 

When you do any kind of audition, even if you HATE auditioning (if you hate it that much you probably shouldn't do it for a living, but that's another discussion), you have to find some reason to be there besides "I want to get in/get the part." Try, "I want to get experience auditioning" or "I want to practice my craft." (I'm sorry I said craft. I know, pretentious.) Tell yourself—nay, CONVINCE yourself—that acceptance isn't everything. 

Once You're Rejected

If it's a school you really cared about, take a day to mourn. Some people say three days, or three hours or however long it takes you to finish a pint of Ben & Jerry's (insert #BFAbody joke here). I don't need more than a day to wallow, but you have to accept that it might creep up on you from time to time—for example, I dreamed that I reauditioned for a school that rejected me last night. The best advice I can give for getting over it is to think about all the awesome schools you did get into and how happy you would be there! If you don't get in anywhere or anywhere you love/can afford, think about what a blast it would be to reaudition, this time having a clue what you are doing! I almost want to reaudition, for a few reasons. I'll make a post about that soon. ANYWAY, there is so much more in your life besides college. That's why I buy myself socks and sushi every time I audition. Also, hello, life experience makes you a better actor. Man, I can't WAIT to see how the experiences I've had this year will change my work! (There's no way to say that without sounding obnoxious, I'm sorry.)

But What Did I Do Wrong???

The hardest thing for me after being rejected is not knowing why. You can't know why. And you know what? Why might be STUPID. Backstage has a great article on "why you weren't cast." That can give you some ideas if you're truly curious, but the point they're making is that you have very little control, no matter how "well" you think you did. At my two best auditions, I didn't get in. The next best two, I did. But it's so random, and that's what Backstage is getting at. You can't waste your time wondering why, unless you also want to be a casting director (this is my excuse). Also, read "why we cast you!" That one is actually uplifting.

Always remember: it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be jealous, it's okay to wonder why, but it's not okay not to be happy and it's not okay to let those negative feelings take over your life. You are more than this. You are more than this. Rejection or acceptance is NOT a judgment on your validity as a person or an actor. Every rejection makes you stronger, prepares you for future rejections, and helps you learn about yourself. It's a good thing! But I can't deny that even good things sometimes suck at first.

Update 3/24: Financial Aid Sucks

So since I last posted I received an (again, expected—I am soooo good at this) rejection from Northwestern and a kind of surprising wait list from American! My first wait list! Exciting! As my mother said, "the plot thickens." The plot thickened even more when I got my DePaul financial aid package back. The theatre school gave me $18,000 but even with my loans, that leaves 1.5 times as much money as our EFC...which apparently my parents are supposed to take out a giant loan to pay for. I'm actually pissed. I mean, we could maybe make that much money work, but expecting a student's parent to take out a loan of that size? REALLY?! Ugh. My financial situation is better than a lot of people and I feel lucky...but still, my family can't pay for college! Nobody can! My dad kept saying "its Monopoly money," which is so real. Ughhhh. UArts is tied with Ithaca for cheapest but my dad hates it and thinks they gave me so much money "because I don't belong there." DePaul and Ithaca gave me even more in scholarship, UArts was just generous with grants...I don't know. I would be perfectly happy there but obviously I can't go if my dad won't pay for it. Now I'm just waiting for the Brandeis aid package to come in the mail, but my hopes are not high. Ew. Capitalism.

Update 2 3/21

Whoop just got my Marymount rejection! That was totally expected. But does 2 in a day win me some kind of award???

Update 3/21

Okay! I've gotten a lot of decisions back since I last posted. Specifically, I've been accepted to DePaul, Sarah Lawrence and Brandeis and rejected from Emerson and BU. I'm still waiting to hear from 4 schools (NYU, Marymount, Webster, Northwestern) but I'm fairly sure this is it. I wasn't surprised by either of my recent rejections because I was so sick at Emerson and BU wanted me to apply for Production and Design instead (UGH) but it is hard not to get attached. I'm floored that I got into 2/3 liberal arts schools though! Today I'm really feeling Brandeis, but some days I feel DePaul or UArts. Depending on financial aid, those are the 3 I will likely be visiting over my April break. I think going to Brandeis would be great for me as a person, but maybe not so great in terms of career opportunities relative to DePaul/UArts/Ithaca. [Edit: Brandeis has a great theatre program with loads of connections, I was being stupid.] But at the same time, I only get one undergrad experience, and I think a lot of the stuff I would do at Brandeis might not be available after college (being involved with Hillel, taking classes in political science, even some of the theatre classes they offer). So right now that's what I'm leaning towards, which is scary because I haven't gotten my aid package yet and I know a girl who got in ED and got zero from them! But yeah, I can't wait to visit. It feels good to have some idea of where I'll be going and what I want. And it's cool that I've gotten into two of each type of program (2 audition, 2 interview, 2 liberal arts and 2 non-audition safeties). I'm so excited!

Marymount Manhattan Audition 3/7 (and ensuing madness)

Last weekend (March 7—I am publishing this much later) was my LAST college audition EVER!!! I was so excited. I thought, I am totally going to kill it on my monologue. I'm going to make them cry! I'm going to be so good they will accept me on the spot! Here is what actually happened:

We got to New York late on Friday because I went to the whole day of school. I've been missing a LOT lately and may be missing more as I'm pretty certain I have the flu right now. But I digress. Anyway, our host (who we stayed with for Unifieds as well, among other things) asked me not to vocalize in the morning. I was like...okay? My mom reasoned with her and I got to do some quiet humming. But no screlt. (Not that I would screlt in a college audition and I know that a lot of voice teachers hate the term, mine included. I actually prefer "wail.") So I didn't properly warm up beforehand, but that was fine—not the first time!

When we got there, they had a little breakfast buffet thing and a Starbucks. Everyone was camped out in the hallways and current students were mingling and answering questions. The dance call was first, and super fun. Everyone was great and I had seen a lot of them at previous auditions. After, we all went to a general info session and I asked a good question and the guy leading it was great and I was like "mom I totally wanna go here"...and then the MT lady came out. She was very...harsh, even in the discussion. I knew I blew it when I asked about whether the audition opportunities they bring to the school are equity. I mean I know it was a little gross sounding and I regretted asking as soon as I did, but yeah. Oh well, I thought. I can come back from that and have the best audition ever! So we all go to the bathroom and then get to the room where we're supposed to be doing this workshop/audition or whatever, and of course it's  the woman from the info session who I had already made a bad impression on. Well, when people started going up and singing in alphabetical order, the workshop thing didn't happen. She'd hear your legit song, say "do you belt," hear a belt song, and then done. On the website, they're like "oh we're not just testing voices!" But that's obviously all they were doing. The only people getting "workshopped" were the ones with wildly inappropriate audition material. She criticized one girl's headshot and outfit and worked with her to do better. But if your outfit and material choices and stuff were on point, 16 bars x2 was all you got. It was honestly so impersonal and I hated it. She did not say one thing to me (or anyone else) beyond "what will you be singing?" Maybe it was because of the environment or maybe because I couldn't warm up, but my songs were not the best. I was also nervous being in front of the other auditioners. Oh well. But then we went to do monologues, and they were like "ok we're only giving you so much time before we cut you off but we won't tell you how much just do what you can." They had told us to prepare 2 minute monologues, and mine is up there. So they cut EVERY SINGLE PERSON OFF HALFWAY. It felt like a cattle call which like I get that that's the business or whatever, but this is a college audition. I was so freaked out that I blanked on a couple lines of my monologue which I have never done before EVER and I kind of slurred at times. And they cut me off right before my favorite part. They can't have given us more than a minute and a half. God, it was awful. The only thing that was remotely interview like was that they went around at the end and we told them what we liked to do outside of theatre. So you DO care about knowing who we are as human beings? What? Honestly, rejection was a blessing. It was my only audition where I felt like they didn't care about me.

Update 3/3

Yesterday I got accepted to Ithaca for Theatre Arts Management!!
I also got a $20,000 scholarship--the biggest one yet. It's really a lot of money. It makes an actual dent in Ithaca's tuition. I haven't seen my financial aid package yet, but Ithaca College is on the way to being affordable.
I posted it right on Facebook and Twitter. I know you maybe aren't supposed to do that, but I don't care. The validation is amazing. Sometimes you need to be patted on the back. Besides, I can easily protect my tweets and posts so colleges can't find them.
My dad also approves. I'm just going to chill out until I hear from everywhere else. Honestly, I am thrilled to have a theatre management acceptance, but I'm still struggling with location. I'm not going to worry yet--I still have 9 schools to hear from and another AUDITION this weekend! Man! Auditioning! Throwback to January, am I right!? My last MT audition was UArts at Unifieds! Do I even still remember my songs? Just kidding, I do.
I'll be recapping the Marymount audition soon, I'm sure!